Trauma, Complex Trauma, & Insecure Attachment Therapy in Waukesha, WI
When you get stuck in patterns you can’t quite explain but you know aren’t working
This can’t be the abundant life Jesus came to give.
You long for connection, but parts of you stay cautious. You find yourself holding back, overthinking, or moving too quickly. Relationships feel like a test you can’t pass. Your heart races, your mind worries, and you beat yourself up. It’s hard to know how to balance closeness with staying safe. It feels tricky to trust, and you wish you could just feel comfortable and confident in your relationships with yourself, God, and others.
Understanding Trauma, Complex Trauma, & Insecure Attachment
Trauma and PTSD are now mainstream concepts that are familiar to us. A car accident, a sudden loss, a health scare, an assault, warfare: we know those are hard on us and have effects such as sleeplessness, elevated heart rate, intrusive thoughts, avoiding places, or total body shut down. You have likely heard of ‘fight or flight’ or maybe even read ‘The Body Keeps the Score.’
For many of us we thankfully don’t have specific stories of intense scare or harm. When you look back at your childhood you may say, “It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t that bad.”
But if you really reflect, you remember:
You figured things out on your own because there was no one there to ask
You were on edge when you approached your parents, not knowing if you’d get ‘kind’ or ‘angry’ mom
You were the strong one who took care of your parents when they were overwhelmed
You were expected to help everyone else and not make things harder by asking too much for yourself
If you did speak your feelings, they were minimized, joked about, or ignored
You felt much more comfortable at friends’ houses
Every experience imprints on us, especially in our childhood when our brains are growing immensely.
Attachment Theory
Each of us forms conclusions about ourselves and relationships through how our needs are met early in life. When care is consistent, we internalize that we matter and that others will show up. This becomes secure attachment. When care is inconsistent or unavailable, we internalize a different message: I’m on my own and I don’t matter.
That is a painful belief to bear, and we do our best to manage it. Some people respond with a stressful hyper-focus on establishing and maintaining connection (anxious attachment), while others respond by relying primarily on themselves, numbing, and minimizing their needs (avoidant attachment).
Does this sound familiar?
-
Anxious Attachment Tendencies
Believing love could be lost at any moment
Feeling super unsettled anytime you’re alone
Partners have told you you’re ‘too clingy’
Worrying you said the wrong thing and they won’t talk to you anymore
Vigilantly watching others’ moods and tones
Desperately wanting to make sure everyone is happy with you
Praying constantly for God’s presence and fearing He will leave you
Always caring for others at the expense of your needs
Often questioning ‘do they really love me?’
Struggling to believe reassurance
Feeling ‘keyed up’ or ‘on edge’ in your body
Inability to relax unless everything is ‘right’ in your relationships
-
Avoidant Attachment Tendencies
Believing love is not available or expected for you
Feeling at ease only when you’re alone
Partners have told you they want more from you
Struggling to ask for help and feeling ashamed when you do
Wanting to disappear or hide in plain sight
Wanting to end deep conversations as soon as possible
Struggling to believe God is listening when you pray
Feeling overwhelmed when you receive praise or attention
Freezing or going blank when people ask ‘how are you?’
Keeping big news to yourself because you assume no one cares to hear it
Numbing out in solo activities like books, art, or scrolling
Difficulty having awareness of your emotions
Your relationships don’t need to be defined by distress or dread anymore
Complex trauma therapy doesn’t label you defective or blame all of your problems on your parents. It gives you the space to finally acknowledge and legitimize the pain of unmet needs, experience the power and comfort of being seen and cared for; which in time grows new courage and boldness to live differently in your relationships with yourself, God, and others.
Evidence-Based Complex Trauma Treatment Modalities