Affair Recovery & Infidelity Therapy in Waukesha, WI
Support for the deepest shock, hurt, and confusion that has turned you and your family upside-down.
No one enters into romantic relationships prepared for this.
You discovered the betrayal with your ears and eyes but your head and heart can’t fathom the truth of it. Suddenly nothing in life makes sense anymore. You’re constantly racing and aching, not sure how you’ll make it through the day or how you’ll decide what to do next.
Understanding Infidelity, Betrayal Trauma, & Affair Recovery
The hurt of betrayal is unlike any other because of the assault on trust. By nature, we lean into what we believe is safe; and our partner’s love, commitment, and honesty should be predictably strong and available. When you learned of the alternate reality that was going on behind the scenes of what you could see, you may feel foolish, disgusted, or discarded.
The partner who was hiding and acting out has their own torture; very different, but still painful! You’re likely shocked and ashamed by how far you got into this mess. You may or may not know why or how you got here, but you absolutely know it’s not the person you aspire to be. You long to earn trust back and wonder how it could ever be possible after what you’ve done.
The good news is: there is a path! It is not straight or short, but it is predictable; and it leads to clarity, growth, and resolve.
Hi, I’m Bethany LeMieux, a Licensed Professional Counselor in Waukesha, WI. In my 14 years of counseling experience, I have devoted the last 7 years to specifically serve affair recovery, betrayal trauma, and infidelity. I have extensive experience working with each part of the partnership: the one who betrayed, the one who has been betrayed, and the couple.
When there is commitment to humility, learning, and consistency from the offender, and acknowledgement of hurt and (eventual) compassion and grace extended from the offended, relationships can be regrown!
The biggest question you keep asking yourself
should I stay or should I go?
Everyone has a different limit for what they are willing to endure.
There is no universal rule for how much you should tolerate, how many chances you should give, or what your breaking points should be.
Therapy is the place to quiet the noise of expectations, pressure, and guilt to untangle your truest thoughts and feelings to act in confidence.
You may also be wondering…
Can trust be rebuilt? Do I want to rebuild it?
Why did this happen? How do we make sure it never happens again?
Why am I staying? Because of hope, obligation, fear, or love?
What would happen if I leave? Will I regret it?
What would it require for me to stay? Will they do what I need?
How do we talk about this without a fight?
How do I stop obsessing over the details? Should I ask for more details?
Is it possible to forgive? Will I be angry and hurt forever?
How do I know they’re really remorseful? Do they always lie?
How do I cope with intrusive images and triggers?
How do we rebuild intimacy and feel normal again?
Should we tell family and friends? Who should we trust with this?
We can discuss all of this and more in infidelity counseling
Support in Affair Recovery
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For the one who was betrayed
You are often overcome by a swirl of intensely painful emotions: hurt, anger, sadness, disgust, shame. The emotional waves affect your body, mind, and soul. You may struggle to eat, move, sleep, or think clearly. You may feel a demand for answers and details. These effects are normal, albeit terribly uncomfortable.
Affair recovery therapy gives space to acknowledge these difficulties and the ‘unfairness’ of these burdens. Regrowing safety in your body and environment are of utmost importance. We will create grounding forces for you to feel more stable in the chaos.
As time passes, you may notice the immediate distress lessen, though waves of emotions still crash. When you have more stability for clear thinking, infidelity therapy can help you explore ‘should I stay or should I go’ type concerns. Together, we can watch and evaluate if rebuilding trust is reasonable or likely based on your partner’s actions over time. Whether you decide to leave the relationship or stay, affair recovery counseling can help you reestablish boundaries and trust in your own intuition.
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For the one who was unfaithful
You may experience an interesting mix of shame, relief, and grief. Shame to have your dark secrets come to light and to see the reality of the pain your actions cause. Relief since the weight of keeping your double life hidden was overwhelming and heavy. You may be surprised by the grief of losing an exciting yet complicated behavior/relationship.
Affair recovery therapy gives space to explore how you got into this situation. Oftentimes, you will find longstanding hurts (from even before your marriage) from unmet needs, insecurity, and lacks of true intimacy. You may also uncover unhealthy coping patterns you desire to change.
As time passes, the immediate intensity of being exposed lessens, and you may wish to forget this ever happened. But using this rock bottom to change your future is a gift to yourself and your relationships. Increasing awareness of your feelings and needs, reducing defensiveness, and increasing humility to share your truest self with others is the key to growing tolerance to the risk of vulnerability. This will allow you to be truly seen, known, loved, and satisfied in deepest intimacy.
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For the couple
You both may feel caught between intense pain, commitment to repair, and uncertainty of your next steps. Conversations can quickly become circular, explosive, or hopeless. Even small interactions may feel loaded with fear, suspicion, shame, anger, or grief. These cycles can leave both partners exhausted.
Couples therapy for infidelity creates a structured space to explore what behaviors rebuild safety, what behaviors continue harm, and what repair actually looks like after betrayal of trust. Honesty, accountability, humility, transparency, and follow-through are all building blocks for healing.
As both partners grow, couples gain clarity about what is actually changing. Affair recovery counseling helps determine whether a new relationship is being built: a relationship with more honesty, emotional safety, vulnerability, and maturity than before. No one wants this kind of pain, but it can become a turning point. As both partners engage in honest work, this rupture can be used to reset and rebuild a relationship more connected and secure than what existed before.
Common Questions & Concerns Regarding Therapy for Infidelity
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Healing comes from growth of safety and trust over time. Typically after about the first six months to one year post affair discovery, you will have a view of the future that is likely for you; whether that be staying together because change and growth are evident or deciding to end the relationship because conditions for trust are not developing.
I know you are in a lot of pain and want to feel better asap. Thankfully, the intensity of the initial shock and hurt does not last forever. One impulse might be to just ‘forgive and forget’ hoping to make the process go faster. But that would only put a bandage on a deep wound.
Affair recovery is akin to a grief process: special dates, holidays, places, and occasions trigger pain of loss. A sudden flare up of hurt, anger, pain, and confusion can happen months or even years after your initial discovery. But that does not negate any progress you have made. Flare-ups feel alarming, but they are normal and should be expected.
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I know it’s hard to believe in the beginning when the hurt and pain are palpable, but YES! Trust absolutely can be gained and granted after infidelity.
The attitude and actions of the one who was unfaithful have a lot of power to rebuild safety and trust. Humility, remorse, accountability, vulnerability, empathy, patience, and withstanding hurt and anger from their partner produces repair. Defensiveness, denial, blaming the other, and trying to speed up the process before the betrayed partner is ready can delay progress or worse: lead the betrayed partner to give up.
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Couples counseling is helpful but is usually not the first step. Couples therapy is typically less effective in the initial stage after betrayal when each person (the one who was betrayed and the one who was unfaithful) is struggling with unique challenges that deserve their own space to heal and grow.
It’s understandable and common to conclude ‘infidelity is a relationship issue so we should fix it in couples counseling.’ To that I would say ‘yes’ and ‘not exactly.’
Sometimes, a couple will want to rush in and fix the relationship issues immediately. But most times, it is ultimately more productive to slow down, let each person heal individually, while coming together to repair the relationship. As each partner understands themselves better through individual counseling, they are able to be their healthiest self to rebuild a new and better relationship together.
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No; it would be unethical, unloving, and a boundary violation for a therapist to insist or pressure you to any particular outcome.
I deeply respect your autonomy and your right to make decisions about your relationship on your own timeline.
Therapy provides a space to slow down, gain clarity, and thoughtfully explore your options. I offer observations, feedback, recommendations, and help you consider the likely consequences of different choices, but my role is not to tell you what to do.
Therapy with me is also not simply an echo chamber or a nodding head. I will challenge assumptions, highlight patterns, and encourage honest reflection. But when it comes to deciding the future of your relationship, you remain in the driver's seat. I am here for you every step of the way!
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Yes, here are a few trustworthy resources to get you started:
The Gottman Institute: Atone, Attune, Attach
Broken to Brave: Your Courageous Act of Healing After Intimate Betrayal